My blog

"Hohoho merry christmas to everyone. Its a day for sharing and caring. "

Thats wat i usually hear this everytime christmas is around the corner. So actually how do you feel about christmas? Is it merely another public day when you can meet up with old pals or maybe the time to hit the nearest most happening pub n enjoy the jolly whole morning there. Perhaps its the day to lay back and relax for the adults and for the children, they look forward for the presents. There’s many reason y christmas is a season ppl looking fwd to.How abt me? I didnt really realise christmas is around that soon also. Time fly just too fast. Things happen very fast too. A snap of a finger things change n not to mention this time around i might look just a bit older than my real age is. (those who spend christmas eve will know wat happen.. a bit cha dao)..

Last year christmas was just like yesterday. Entering form 6 is just like last week. But all the friends i known for the past 2 years is like i’ve known them for ages. Its pretty strange how fast we bond ( not all i been really close but some when i got to know them better they are really a bunch of treasure)..

(tobe cont)

Its been long since i’ve blogged. Cant really blame me i’m deprived of time. Lets see how long do i have till stpm perhaps roughly 3 months. Thinking of the date give me the chill. Even the normal test or exam in sch gives me the fright. Cant believe i’m experiencing the feeling i had during spm. Those sleepless nite is really torturing. All the maths formula are all playin ur brain n u just cant shut them out.. Urg that kind of feeling just visited me last exam… Making me look no different frm a zombie or mayb this zombie is more educated 1. Sign of stress?? mayb but just during the exam period (normal rite?) but other than that i still on9 like usual, play badminton, chat.. Just dunno wat went wrong. So other than that things are still under control i guess (n hopefully they will stay it that way or improve in certain area). So still hv to tolerate with the mundane life of mine for around 4-5 months n then out i go to the world outside which is full of tricks n traps, no more protection no more babysitting… Have some plans behind my mind rite now but usually cant accomplish all ( 1st of all go kai kai, learn some mandarin, go for dancing class (ok dont laugh) n of coz work to earn some money..). For now i just have to cross my finger and wish for the best…

Dont worry i’m not sick yet. But the feeling i have now is worst than being sick…Urgh i wish to tell the truth but yet i’m afraid of the outcome… My mind wandered a lot these days. Sometimes can even think of things that happened few years ago… Sometimes i really wish some1 will come up to me to tell me wat i’m supposed to do rather to find my own path back to normal. The feeling of confused and lost is getting unbearable. Should i abandoned my principle can for wat i wish to do? Or hold on tight to the principle i once vowed n let myself suffer? I try to forget but… the "buts" can never end.

Did you see the little girl,

the one standing against the wall,

she look so demure,

her heart is still so pure,

doesn’t really matter if her clothes covered with holes,

still waiting,

still hoping,

that someone in the shining armour,

will take her away from this world,

far from this destructing war.

Have you seeen her parent?,

they were last seen in the tent,

where are her brothers?,

whom she used to play with gleefully,

where are her sisters?

whom she sing with melodiously.

All of them are gone,

leaving her alone,

the day the sky rain bullet and stone.

The smell of freshly baked bread used to filled the air,

now only filthy smell of corpse lying everywhere.

She used to eat,

she used to feast,

now she’s forced to swallow the bittersweet,

the taste of life she swear not to forget.

Will she hear the sound of laughter again?

or perhaps her family calling out her name,

after long exciting game .

All she can hear now are women’s whailing,

and children’s crying.

Where can she go now?

there is no place to hide,

no where to run,

from the ruthless soldier’s gun.

The day is dark,

the night is cold,

the sun refuse to shine,

on the broken hope.

How long can she survive,little girl?

the one standing against the wall.

I dont know how it started,

But it left a puzzle when it ends,

Everytime I thought I have it,

It slip Out from my hand.

Now that i’m a bit overprotective,

What happened change my prospective,

The only thing i can do is to forgive,

but to forget i shall never be.

I dont blame you but myself,

for letting it happened once again,

though the ending is still the same,

once bitten twice i’m not ashame.

Everytime when i wanted to trust someone new,

it reminds me of wounds that have not healed,

Everytime I want to reached out,

the past reminds me how much i wanted to shout,

but silently only tears managed to sneak out,

this is something I shouldn’t be proud.

Please i beg you, dont treat me so good now,

only to know you’ll leave me tomorrow,

Dont ever raise my hope to high till i can touch the sky,

later to crash it on the ground,

then i’ll have to bent down low ,

pick up what you have left behind.

Yay!! at last we settle down with a destination to go after much of discussion. At 1st we are supposed to go to cameron but due to rainy season we change our plan. So next week hopefully we can go to pd. I’m really excited ;imagine a bunch of 25 ppl include a teacher spending time there on the beach and bbq at nite… whoa my saliva is dripping now..hahaha.. after a nite spend in pd we’ll b heading to sunway pulak.. yay another place i’m looking forward to go. But the saddest part is not every1 in l6sc4 is willing to go… Any1 frm my class reading this b4 the trip pls pls i beg u pls go.. we need at least 25 ppl coz we are rentinga small bus. I’ll assure u’ll have the most unforgettble trip ever..

When i was such a lil gal i ask my mother wat will i be, will i be pretty will i b rich, heres wat she said to me…

Ever heard of this song before? Mayb there is underlying msg in that song. I’ve always wanting to be some1 lately. Even some1 i might not be. Mayb this is a pert of growing up experience. I’m trying hard to find my own identity. Some traits or capability that will remind ppl abt me. But after much of self examination, found out that i’m actually good at ntg… how pathetic is that,huh… frm sports to studies i dont think i shine in any of this. I’m not good in chemistry nor bio nor maths.. mayb average but excel in that i dont think so. Let go to my sports, in primary sch the 1st sport that i join in gimnastic ( surprising huh) but it didnt last long though. Then i move to net ball and running for sch. It didnt get anywhere except that ppl commented i run like a cartoon. At last i join tae kwan do until i was in f3. But i still didnt get my black belt till now..i was in swimming club ever since f3 till f5 but i still scared of water. gees i’m really a typical jack of all traders and master of none. wat abt other skills u may ask. When i sing it rains heavily(funny huh, but its true u know!!), dancing … neh although i love but talented in it nolar, acting?? i wouldnt get an acedemy award.. So the question is wat am i really GOOD at?

You’ll be suprise if i tell u after watching a movie, i sort of dont care abt that question anymore. U’ll b asking wat type of movie that have make such a big impact in my thinking.No its not a documentary neither it is a autobiography. Its a simple movie yet it carry a heavy moral value and the movie is "13 going on 30" which i only manage to watch lately ( i know i’m a bit lapuk). Well every1 is unique in their own way. No point b some1 else but u r not happy. Wat is important is not how others see u but how u see yourself and how u carry yourself in the society. If u dont even respect urself its hard for others to look up upon u.I know its easy for me to say here but it takes time for me to really practice that kind of thinking. I hope that 1 day i can prove that i really dont mind how ppl look at me anymore. Just hope that 1 day it really happen that way.

Haaa.. the title is catchy isnt it??… I know i don’t look like i’m a ruthless gal but indeed i killed TWO living being… dont play play ah… 1 of the corpse i already threw into the dustbin to eliminate any clue that i’ve murdered it. The other 1 still in my house lying "peacefully" in a box i made especially for it. Now drying it outside my house with a lot of ants attacking it. Gee did i mention that i have to take out all the intestine and stuff using ntg other than a forcept and a  pair of scissors. hehehe… geli le… Well the two living thing that i killed is actually a cricket and a cockcroach for my bio project. Well thinking of it really send me a shiver… So geli menn. Knowing myself so terrified of insects especially those with lots of legs and wings i cant believe i actually touching it and dissect it to clean the things inside the abdomen and later stuff cotton wool into it again..When i came back in the afternon i got a nightmare abt it. And best of all i think the cricket’s family is haunting for killing one of it’s family member. Ever since last fri i kept seeing cricket where ever i go ,in the toilet,kitchen…  every where u name it menn..

Your heart beating fast against your chest, twinkling sensation thats hard to explain and your face as red as tomato when looking straight to persons eye. Have you experience this kind of situation before? I had. Not once but twice. Falling in love can be a good thing for some people. I yearn for that kind of feeling again. But the thought of being hurt again send chill down my spine. It takes two to tango; thats the hardest part of all. It is either you like someone, or that someone likes you. It is hardly both party likes each other. I tried forcing myself liking someone but it never work. Instead i hurt the other party even worst.I’ve gone through many things;good or bad,u name it. The dark memory is always in my mind no matter how long the time has pass nor how happy i am today. Its easier to forgive but to forget its another thing all together. Life can never be fair. The amount you give will never determine how much you will get in return. The higher hope you have the greater the dissapointment you’ll have. The conclusion is so easy that is never to fall in love.But human are humans; so ignorance and naive. Yet again they’ll repeat their mistake again . I guess that is how human mature, they fall n they climb up to their feet again. Today i realise that i miss someone so dearly again.

Last weds my house was "dipecahmasuK" but unfortunately nobody realise it until late evening becoz there is no much sign that intruder had climb into our house and most of the time my parents were in the house. Secondly the weird thing is the thief didnt steal our money nor jewelry/… Guess wat he stole? The ans might be a bit sensitive , so for those underage pls do not proceed…..

He stole the undergarments… how crazy is thAT?? And the smart part of it he only steal the good quality 1…and the 1 i just bought… imagine how irritating is that?